


Cosmo

by Gravity_Sun



Series: JayDick Week June 2016 [4]
Category: Batman (Comics), DCU, DCU (Comics)
Genre: First Date, Humor, M/M, Ruined Date, aka why dick is banned from the kitchen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-18
Updated: 2016-06-18
Packaged: 2018-07-15 18:41:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 832
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7234162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gravity_Sun/pseuds/Gravity_Sun
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Day 4 - First Date</p><p>Or</p><p>They make smoke detectors for a reason.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Cosmo

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt - Day 4 - First Date: This is again something pretty self-explanatory, although it doesn’t have to be a relationship thing yet. For example, this might have been a blind date, or they’re testing out their new-found feelings on a date. It can be anything from a romantic dinner to a “let’s order some pizza and watch netflix”.
> 
> A bit different from my norm, but I wanted to write something quick and lighthearted. I have a few more ideas for this prompt though, so I'll probably post a few more over time.

Jason was laughing. Tears rolling down his cheeks, sides aching, chest burning laughing.

“It’s not that funny.”

Jason shakes, trying to catch his breath.

“It is. It really, really is. Jesus Christ!”

Dick’s kitchen, no, his apartment, was a mess. The living room carpet bore an unmistakable singe mark, smoke licking the walls next to what remained of his curtains, remnants from what Jason guessed was supposed to be a sort of ‘romantic candle lit dinner’. The kitchen was in practical shambles. The cabinet had waffle iron marks on it (how did that  _ even  _ happen?), and there was an uncanny amount of overcooked pasta on the floor. And everything was covered in foam from the  **three** fire extinguishers (who even  _ has  _ three fire extinguishers) they had to use to put everything out.

“There’s angel hair everywhere!” Jason says, now doubled over, hands on his knees. He feels woozy. Legitimately woozy. “How much did you cook?”

“... two boxes?” Dick says

Jason looks at him, frankly, alarmed.

“Two  _ whole  _ boxes?”

Dick shrugs.

“There’s two of us..?”

Jason pauses, before laughing again.

“Oh my God. This is gold. I’m sending this to Babs, right now.” He reaches for his phone, a glare from Dick stops him. “I don’t care if I live to be 109 this will never stop being funny.”

Dick rolls his eyes, smears a smudge from the smoke across his cheek.

“It’s not that bad.”

“Dick. The dishwasher was on fire. And not from the fire. You  _ using  _ the dishwasher set it on fire.”

“I’m sure that happens all the time.”

“No.” Jason says, finally calming down, straightening “I promise you, it does not.”

Dick lets out a heavy sigh, leaning his head against the wall in defeat.

“I just...” He says, so soft it takes Jason by surprise “I wanted it to be  _ nice _ .”

Jason glances around, swallows the initial urge to laugh again, before moving over to Dick.

“Hey.” He cooes, pulling Dick into his arms “What is all this?”

“It’s... I wanted us to have a good first date.”

Jason pulls back.

“And I know you’re not big on public affection so I though, something private might...”

Jason raises an eyebrow.

“Dick.”

“Hm?”

“We’ve been together for 5 months.”

“Yeah.”

“ _ First  _ date?”

“Well... we never had a first date.”

“We just went to the most expensive restaurant in the city last week!”

“Rimming me on the rooftop doesn’t count.”

“We went to the Cheesecake Factory before that.”

“No. You got cheesecake to go and I blew you behind the dumpster in the alley while you ate it.”

“... Man, that was good.” Jason licks his lips, remembering “Okay, what about all those walks in the park?”

“Fucking in the bushes?”

“Not  _ always _ .”

“Okay. Geocacheing, and  _ then  _ fucking in the bushes. Or that one time in that weird treehouse.”

“Still have splinters on my ass from that one...” Jason worries at his lip “We’ve seen lots of movies.”

“You mean the one we got thrown out of because you wouldn’t stop making that’s what she said jokes, and trying to jerk me off.”

“I was looking for the popcorn!”

“ _ Under  _ my balls?”

Jason is laughing again, and Dick can’t help himself, it’s infectious.

“Okay, okay. Point taken. Still. You didn’t need to do this. We didn’t  _ need  _ a first  _ date _ .”

“Yeah but... Cosmo said--.”

“You read Cosmo?”

“... once. In the checkout line.”

Jason raises an eyebrow in disbelief.

“... okay. I bought it. But it said that the first date sets the foundation of the relationship.”

Jason pinches the bridge of his nose.

“Jesus Christ.”

“And I wanted ours to be good, so...”

“So you set your apartment on fire? Seriously, who cooks and then leaves  _ while they’re still cooking _ ?”

Dick shrugs.

“I know you like home cooked food, so I thought I’d cook for you. And I needed to rent some movies...”

“Dick. You know both that you can’t cook, and I don’t trust your taste in movies.”

“I have great taste in movies!”

“... right.” Jason dismisses “Look. My point is... we don’t need any of this stuff. The first time you kissed me... when you told me how you felt... first time I was inside of you it’s...” He blushes “It’s all I’ll ever need, mmkay?”

Dick smiles at him, leaning up to kiss him, when Jason pulls back, sniffing.

“Do you... do you smell something burning?”

“No... we put all of the fire OH GOD THE BATHROOM!” He shoves Jason back, running down the hall “GRAB THE OTHER FIRE EXTINGUISHER!”

“You have  **four** fire extinguishers?”

“Seven.” Dick corrects, stopping in his steps “I tried to make lasagna for Babs once and she made me drive to Home Depot that night. There was a coupon...”

Jason sighs, pinching his nose. Dick ran down the hall, and then Jason hears the door slam open, and Dick shouting:

“Not my rubber duckies! Those are collectibles!”

He rushes to the closet for the other fire extinguisher, sighing.

What had he gotten himself into?

**Author's Note:**

> The Justice League rubber duckies were the only casualties. 
> 
> Jason bought him more the next day.


End file.
